Time tested secrets for capturing the heart of mr. right

5/14/09: A month ago, Andy brought up this thing in conversation called "The Rules" that I had never heard of before. He said it was a system for women to pick up men. I didn't believe that it existed. Boys like girls more than almost anything. Girls don't need a system for getting boys for the same reason drug dealers don't need advertising. The product kinda sells itself.

This being the funniest thing, I take the book out of the library. It has not disappointed. It turns out it is targeted to a particular kind of lady. Namely, those that are batshit crazy about boys and desperate to get married. Its full of lots of good advice like not bringing up baby names on a first date or not wasting your time writing variations of your name combined with his. The strategy is basically playing hard to get but very extreme. No eye contact, never call a man, never talk during a date, etc. etc. Just smile and nod and let boys wonder about how mysterious and great you are. There is also alot of talk about how important it is to read Vogue and Cosmo and all the fashion magazines and how you should never leave the house without make-up, etc.

Besides thinking it is funny that there is a market for books telling girls that they will be more successful at dating if they "have interests" instead of sitting at home thinking about boys, I hope that girls don't actually do this. Or more specifically, I am the king of going on a date with a girl, having an okay time, but leaving the experience thinking she's not that into it (or me, I guess) and then not following it up. I hope these weren't "rules girls" expecting me to chase them. Also, I have been consistently into the same girl for 5 years now, and she introduced herself to me.

Sports: I joined the Standard Tap softball team and dragged my brother along. We had our first game yesterday. I am still awful at baseball. I botched a play in the outfield and hit a weak ground ball. But in my other at bat I had my most successful plate appearance ever due to a unique co-ed rule: if you take a walk with a girl batting behind you, she gets to walk too. Why would I ever swing at a zero or one strike pitch? It kinda sucked because you don't get to hit and she doesn't either but its pretty awesome finding a way to do better than a home run.

We forget how important balls and strikes are. They are the metagame of baseball. They influence every decision at the plate and in the field. If the ump isn't calling the outside corner, and therefore the pitcher isn't throwing out there, it makes sense to play the hitter to pull. For every inch the strike zone increases, a pitchers willingness to throw a strike falls exponentially, not linearly. Because its not as big of a penalty to get behind in the count.

Remember that famous at bat that Myers had against C.C. Sabathia that set up the "Grand Slam Home Run Shane Victorino"? (Also, I learned today doing blog 'research' that me and my brother made this up, it never happened, he wasn't even calling the game then. Me and Jay just say it so much that is just kind of became real.) What everyone forgets is that C.C. stuck him out earlier in the at-bat. Go back and look at it. http://philadelphia.phillies.mlb.com/media/video.jsp?content_id=3586441 (about :43, its an 0-2 slider, which i guess was called high) or even better, http://crashburnalley.com/?p=219 (the third pitch). I couldn't find the radio call, but Anderson even admits that is was a strike. This is a very different game if that inning ends there. Balls and Strikes.