The game we (I) play

4/28/09: Magic can be a frustrating game. Sometimes it feels like you are stuck playing chess, but you have to be black all day long, always behind on turns, answering your opponent, never really getting to play. But unlike chess, you never get that dominating feeling when you are ahead. Until the game is actually over, it is almost impossible to truly be in more that just a "winning position", there is always a combination of cards that beats you, cards that you don't know about. Its the most depressing kind of hermeneutic adjustment, you have to struggle just be in a position to settle, always fighting against a universe of possibilities, like Sisyphus's game in Z dimensions.

Magic is also about value. You have to play the best cards. Its like hanging out with rich people all the time. You'd rather spend time with people that are more interesting, but they can't help you in the ways you need. Speaking of this, I used to hang out with lots of rich people, back when I felt like my life could go places. Lawyers, academics, finance people. Hanging out with old Temple friends this weekend reminded me that not all young people are stuck and happy, revelers and jokers. Do I really care about big things? Probably not. Do I think about it alot? Certainly yes.

Reading a book. "101 Damnations: The Humorists' Tour of Personal Hells." Don't bother with this one. I am the kind of person who likes to dwell in dark places. I want to hear about terrible terrible things. This book is just about missing the bus, splitting the check, and being bald. Maybe its sicks that I wanted to hear about losing a child, being in a coma, and realizing you are getting Alzheimer's, but I find the stupid petty stuff boring even though in real life I am a whiner. One gem though: I learned that T. S. Elliot said that, "April is the cruelest month." I think he was talking about taxes and rain and shit, but it makes sense to me regardless.