We live with the choices we make

4/30/09: Lazy day today. Spent most of it being very sick, sleepy, and then watching some movies. Its the last day of the month and I wanted to make up some conclusions, there being none that arise naturally, to inject some literary meaning on this contrived endeavour.

Cons: I didn't lose as much weight as I would have liked. I didn't learn anything about myself of anything silly like that. I had a much reduced amount of "good times" at a few choice events due to my level of sobriety. Siobhan never got around to pranking me by getting girls to call me in order for me to turn down first dates. I am certain I will be hooked again instantly if I ever smoke a cigarette (which i probably will). It always came up at social events and wasn't an easy thing to explain or interesting to talk about, so I always just came off as a bore.

Pros: Writing makes you feel like your life matters more in the same way that people remember events better when pictures are involved. It might end up being one of those things that people get to tease me about forever.

Conclusion: I wouldn't do it again, but you can't blame a bored kid for trying to spice his life up (although choosing dullness as spice is a risky choice at best).

Sorry for never getting around to buying a digital camera. But what was I really going to take pictures of anyway?

If I can get over this flu, maybe a get-together is in order tomorrow as a celebration to the end of No Fun April.

Exposures

4/29/09: Don't anyone every let me forget how much I love Reyes. I am super sick and he let me leave work early, but that isn't even why I love him. His sense of humor is just so unique and untouchable. Miller came in to eat tonight and couldn't even keep up, he just rolled his eyes as in, "oh Reyes, never gunna get you."

No Fun April is almost over and I can't decide whether to keep writing or not. I have kinda run out of new things to say about asceticism, which is why the topics have gotten more diverse, and I don't really feel like my life is interesting right now (sorry about "stuck" Andy, I didn't mean it in such a terrible way, in my opinion the vast majority of people are stuck) although I am lucky enough in life that that can change in an instant. I would like to write a technical Magic blog, but few people would want to read that. Maybe I will pick a new theme. Still not sure.

A new thing to be sad about. I kinda thought my face paint on Sat. night was awesome, and so I let some people take pictures of me. The light colors didn't really show up, and you can hardly see it. This might just be self-loathing, but I always feel so not photogenic (maybe its vanity to assume that I look better in person?)when I look at pictures of myself. New ones on the internet don't fail to disappoint.

The game we (I) play

4/28/09: Magic can be a frustrating game. Sometimes it feels like you are stuck playing chess, but you have to be black all day long, always behind on turns, answering your opponent, never really getting to play. But unlike chess, you never get that dominating feeling when you are ahead. Until the game is actually over, it is almost impossible to truly be in more that just a "winning position", there is always a combination of cards that beats you, cards that you don't know about. Its the most depressing kind of hermeneutic adjustment, you have to struggle just be in a position to settle, always fighting against a universe of possibilities, like Sisyphus's game in Z dimensions.

Magic is also about value. You have to play the best cards. Its like hanging out with rich people all the time. You'd rather spend time with people that are more interesting, but they can't help you in the ways you need. Speaking of this, I used to hang out with lots of rich people, back when I felt like my life could go places. Lawyers, academics, finance people. Hanging out with old Temple friends this weekend reminded me that not all young people are stuck and happy, revelers and jokers. Do I really care about big things? Probably not. Do I think about it alot? Certainly yes.

Reading a book. "101 Damnations: The Humorists' Tour of Personal Hells." Don't bother with this one. I am the kind of person who likes to dwell in dark places. I want to hear about terrible terrible things. This book is just about missing the bus, splitting the check, and being bald. Maybe its sicks that I wanted to hear about losing a child, being in a coma, and realizing you are getting Alzheimer's, but I find the stupid petty stuff boring even though in real life I am a whiner. One gem though: I learned that T. S. Elliot said that, "April is the cruelest month." I think he was talking about taxes and rain and shit, but it makes sense to me regardless.

S and S

4/27/09: OG called me out on facebook for blogging about her. Apparently see has a PR person that scours the internet. Oops.

You know what is no fun? Its April and its already much too hot. Can't we just get some solid bike weather? It went from too cold, to too windy, to too rainy, and now too sweaty.

Whenever I watch Hulu, this ad comes on during the dot time for some charity that I guess runs food kitchens or whatever. Something about 1 in 8 Americans is hungry. But the ad is so funny. Its just pictures of obese Americans.

I've been trying to go to Monday night movie at the Troc for about 4 years now. I finally get around to it and it gets canceled. Thanks No Fun April.

Is this short enough for you Sarah?

Blank White Cards and Divergent Tests

4/26/09: The situation at my house: There are about a dozen power tools, a few toolboxes, and some assorted supplies in my living room. There is a fish tank at the top of the stairs which blocks access to the bathroom, and both bedrooms. My brother's idea of cleaning: Take everything that belongs to me that is in the kitchen, including things that belong in the kitchen because they pertain to food, and put them in a big pile. Thanks, roomie.

I never know what the women in my life are thinking, or what the motivation behind their actions is. Its because I never ask them to decide. I hate it when girls ask me to decide, so why should I be able to do it to them. I guess I am just stuck in the dark here. Its just funny that my intuition about signals and such doesn't improve with time or with trials. Although I generally feel like I blew it and I have a sneaking suspicion that its not just pessimism.

I played another one of Evan's awesome games (I am so jealous btw, I wish I was the best at this) called "Blank White Cards." Its more of a design puzzle/ collaborative joke/ war of tongues than a game. Basically everyone makes up funny cards that either ask people to do party-like things or that specifically make fun of someone or reference something that happened, etc. And every time they play they keep all the best cards and get rid of the rest. So it has evolved into its own thing. I guess you could theoretically make a more generic version but it wouldn't be the same thing. While making cards, Rob asked me to draw the artwork on his new cards, and I learned that I am not half bad if I take my time and don't try anything too hard (like people, or hands, both impossible).

I've been thinking so much about divergent tests lately. They come up so much in the parts of conversation that i like the most. Yesterday at the pope we got one started spontaneously that I found particularly delightful. Someone made a vague hand gesture while speaking that was basically their palms up and them oscillating the positions of their hands up and down. And we just all starting thinking about funny things that that hand gesture could mean like someone drunk trying to hold drinks, someone doing the "balancing the scale" thing, someone pumping iron, etc. It ended up catching on and we did it all night for the hand gestures people made. Its like interpretive reverse charades. Regardless, for some one who likes and is good at the regular kind of test, lately I can't get enough of the "take this and run with it" kind.

My brother figured out this awesome thing yesterday where he can download a movie and put it straight to a dvd without putting it on my computer and slowing me down. This is important because no matter how many times I ask him and he promises, he is incapable of deleting anything ever. Because of this I got to see "The Wrestler" on a giant TV last night. Frankly I thought I would like it more. I have a hard time suspending my disbelief when I can't identify with any of the decisions the characters make. Silliness or off-the-wall premises I can get over because the director is flat out asking you to come with him, but when the characters inside the movie themselves makes choices I don't get, somehow I can't follow.

How to meet Internet Celebrities

4/25/09: Big day today. Rob woke me up pretty early (10:30) so we could go play magic cards together like the buds we are. I slept in my contacts for the first time, which was a pretty No Fun April thing to do. It made my eyes hurt so much but Rob gave me his special "Jewish" (?) eye drops, which I never used, but which helped in the moral support department. I forget sometimes how much we are basically BFF. Today while playing with new magic cards, this very very strange thing happened where we both misread all of the same cards in exactly the same ways. This is hard to explain if you don't understand what a magic card is but its kinda like if we both misread a particular sentence in a book the wrong way. And then another one a hundred pages later also in exactly the same way. And again. Rob says we think the same and therefore we both want magic cards to work the same way. We also made up some new inside jokes to add to our canon.

Thad's pizza party was okay but his friends are all married and old. There were some highlights though like finding someone who wants to take some old NES video games off my hands, and seeing Stephanie, who I have a connection with, or maybe I am making that up and she is just super charming in which case its exactly the same thing only I am happy just to see her.

Then I ate bad Vietnamese food. But guess who with? The girl who wrote Obama Girl!!! And box in a box!!! Not Lying! In retrospect, I am pretty disappointed that I didn't brag about this in real life today cause its awesome.

The Club Lyfestyle people really have it right. All people need is a tiny bit of context to get a party going. Just pick something and make everyone do it and then people will have something to do together. Pretty quickly they will make new friends, get excited about partying, whatever etc. and then everyone actually gets what they came for. Tonight's context was face-painting, only I got myself in trouble by getting a very intense look. When I went to KFN, the bouncer said I "looked like [I] just made out with a mermaid."

I am sure lots of other awesome things happened, but I have been getting requests to keep it brief, so you don't get to hear about them.

Heist Lessons, Part one: deny, deny, deny

4/24/09: Took off both my shifts today. Not sure why. Just didn't feel like going in.

Hung out with old Temple friends tonight. It was fun i guess but I remember why I don't hang out with them all that much. Maybe its me (or maybe I have more fun when I drink) but I just can't get anything going with them it seems.

Best part was on the way out someone came to knock on the door but I opened it right as he did. He asked me whose OCR-2 that was, and then he pointed to my bike and I told him it was mine. Then he goes into this weird thing where he asked me where I got it and what my name was and all these questions. And I give him what I think are good lies but basically he convinces me that it actually is his bike. (or was, sucker) Then he says, " Where do you live, fishtown?" (where I got the bike) but I lie and say I'm from the Norfeast. But it backfires because then he asks me if I know Jesse and Jay, the twins, because they are from the northeast. I lie about that too and am on my way somehow without him just beating me up and taking his bike back but he said, "I hope you aren't lying to me, because I am around." So now I'm scared that the drug dealer I stole my bike from is going to get me.

Tomorrow is a big day: Prerelease, fishtown party thing at Penn Treaty, Thad's pizza party, Holly's Mii party. We will see if I can do it all and still have no fun.

Who wants to throw me a May 1st Fun Party ? It's a friday and I deserve it (even though I broke most of the rules).

I stood up Ira Glass because I am jealous of how big his frames are

4/23/09: Not being able to sleep is when I come up with my best ideas. Here are two from last night:
1. A Risk Calculator Ap for an iPhone. I have wanted to make an actual unit to be sold as a supplement to a risk game that simulates a dice rolling randomization for a risk scenario because that's the most annoying part of the game. So instead of rolling dice all night you just type in 15 armies vs. 18 armies on defense and it tells you the outcome. But there is no reason to have to make a physical unit if I can just learn how to make and iPhone app for it. I don't need to own an iPhone to want to do this, right? [Also, I think its funny that I actually do the lower case i and capital P thing. Its very not me to buy in to such marketing silliness, especially when I don't have any affiliation with the product. Good job Apple, you win.]

2. Non-economists might not like this one, but its actually pretty brilliant. People should have been able to predict the housing bubble using rental markets. Imagine a smart person trying to find a place to live in an inflated housing market. She doesn't want to buy a house because the easing of credit restrictions has led to artificially high prices [its like moving along a demand curve by adding lots of extra buyers, people that normally couldn't compete for such and such house] so her other option is renting. But rental prices are related to the value of the home, or more directly, what the market can bear. And in this environment, lots of renters waiting out the silly prices will drive even the rental market up. So she has to live in less house then she would normally. This is why people always complain about a lack of low-income housing during a housing boom. Because smart consumers are forced into living in houses that are actually too small for them. If the growth in housing was real growth in people's ability to pay for housing, then you wouldn't see this competition for rents at the bottom, there would be an even distribution of increase in housing price. Lots of growth at the bottom of the market is the best predictor of a bubble. This also applies to other industries. The years when Tiffany's starting selling down-scale items, it was also a predictor of a coming doom for diamond prices, and jewelry sales in general. Cars is another good example. When People are buying hybrids, and economy cars the car companies should scale down their operations for the next year because its a sign that sales aren't going to be good next year for all cars, not just big ones. Its really a shame that no one is making any money of all these brilliant ideas of mine.

More trader joe's today, and I felt really rad because the wind was blowing really really hard and I'm getting fast again but then I got there and there was a million middle aged NoLibs people there with bike helmets and I just felt very white. My new strategy is to buy food that is too "weird" for my brother to eat. You know, things like hummus, soy milk, oysters, sweet potatoes, any kind of grain that requires boiling water to eat, white asparagus, etc , etc. Hey, if it forces me to eat better, its not so bad.

Why does God let good things happen to bad people?

4/22/09: Its no secret that I've been feeling really low lately. Still no word on whether its No Fun April related. But today was very flat and dull and lame and boring and I was really down and feeling very trapped in my life and very alone and then I got home and got two emails with the best titles ever: "Invitation to Pro Tour Honolulu- DCI Rating (T)" and "Invitation to Pro Tour Honolulu- DCI Rating (C)." For the purposes of this blog, you don't need to know the difference between total and composite rating or even why rating is important. All you need to know is that I am so good at Magic that the powers that be think that I should be invited 3 times over. And now I feel like who cares if I am not in a good place and am lonely because at least I'm a rad planeswalker.

My brother and I have a funny laundry situation. We have a working washer but no dryer. But we also have lots of apartments and residences of other sorts coming into and out of our lives pretty frequently. So we just take laundry with us to the job site (or in my case, even if I'm not going to do any work) sometimes and throw in a load. Apparently my brother did this at my grandmother's house, which the family is selling and which my brother fixed for free so it would sell. And then he forgot about them and they have been there for maybe two weeks or so. My aunt, on seeing the clothes in the laundry because she was visiting the house because she has nothing else to do, called my mother in a worry. My mom told her that they were probably ours and that she would ask us about it. My aunt then informed my mother that she took the clothes back with her to N.J.! You know, to make things easier for everyone. Welcome to the Kolos family. Where that is the most elegant solution to the "oh no, there are clothes in the clothes dryer" situation.

The El Camino is gone forever. Thanks for nothing Ian.

How to make friends and influence people, only in reverse order and not really because i dont know about those things

4/21/09: Steve Miller saved me money today. I got bored at work and I went to go buy some sneakers I saw in his shop last week when I was trying to sneak back into his life. Also I probably want fresh kicks to impresses girls/the girl. But apparently he is a successful businessman and he had sold them all. Thanks SM.

I took this book out of the library (sometimes when I take out 5 dvds and 5 cds I get a little bit embarrassed so I browse the shelves so I can take out a book too) called the laws of power. I thought it was going to be about how societies structure their decision making apparatus and how the idea of power has evolved over time with the rise of marketing, information networks, etc. Instead, its just a bunch of business speak with chapters like "Conceal your intentions", "Learn to keep people dependant on you" or "Never appear too perfect." It almost hard to not take it as a joke, except its like 400 pages. I can imagine someone reading it and taking it at face value and I find the idea of working on your ability to be powerful so funny. As if it were a goal in itself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRIvG7nZDOw&feature=related

More songs with no videos. For only liking the most famous rap songs ever, I am pretty good at finding these.

I got suckered into going to 700 tonight for some Joey Sweeny thing. It was the worst obviously, he just played jazz records and then this terrible guy played sloppy songs that i think were supposed to be funny but I couldn't hear the words because he was screaming them and just kept yelling obscene words. But I wanted to comment on seeing that one of the bartenders who I recognize because he is a NoLibs O.G. was there even though he wasn't working. It might be different for bars, because maybe you drink for free, but this is something that needs to be talked about because I found myself once or twice doing this, as if Rustica was a place to hang out, or pre-game, or meet up before going somewhere else and its just so lame. Maybe its because I've been rewatching episodes of the office but I've been thinking alot about work as a social outlet lately. I don't know what I want to replace it but I don't like it as a one and only place. Certainly not the church, or a social club like mensa, or a charity, or a country club, and not a "third place" like a starbucks either. So what then? Magic cards, sports, book club, art collectives all seem ok. House parties are obviously ideal, but if they were a regular hang out thing then they would quickly lose their ability to draw in different groups of people and would evolve into a "regulars" kind of thing. I guess this is why grown ups tend to go for big events whether they be weddings, or family reunions, or conferences of all sorts. Life just doesn't have good built in ways to hang out with new friend prospects . Everyone in my life is lamenting about this recently, that we don't meet people as fast as we used to. Andy says that's just because we know everybody already. Maybe he has a point. But maybe its something that I can get better at. Maybe someone should write a book about that.

Portion Control Diet

4/20/09: Thought of a new sketch comedy bit today, but not from a dream. Sue got a tiny vegtable chopper as a reward for getting herself into credit card debt, and complained that it was too small for use. I imagine a commercial for a new weight loss company that comes to your house and steals all your kitchenware. They leave your food, but replace your knives and forks with they tiniest "portion control" utensils. Same with bowls, cutting boards, microwaves, etc. Scenes of people looking guilty at the supermarket and then eating with a teaspoon or trying to cut a piece of meat with a tiny exacto knife.

I forget how awesome my life is alot. Today a librarian wanted to be my best friend. She kept trying to talk to me about Curb your Enthusiasm (I was taking out her favorite show, we have the same taste!!!) and wanted to ask my opinion about whether cable was worth it or not (she has it on 3 tvs) and wouldn't let me go but kept apologizing about not having any more bags even though I clearly had my big bag and was fine. And I was a little annoyed, but then I realized that all she deals with all day is the homeless or next-to-homeless, the ultra elderly, and little rugrats who are at the library for the same reason they are total brats: their parents never wanted to be parents and are bad at it. Then I just felt bad for her for just wanting a regular conversation with a customer who was polite, efficient, and didn't want anything from her. Me and my brother talked about this last week in regards to possible fields of employment and how rough it would be to do so many jobs. It came up talking about how miserable our parents always are after work hanging out with ghetto kids all day. But is it any different working in a hospital or a nursing home and being surrounded with so much death and suffering? Or what about being a police officer, a judge, or a lawyer? Is crime a better workplace? Even something like customer service would drive me nuts. I love solving problems but I can't stand solving other people's problems when I feel like its a problem they should fix themselves. Needy people, dramatic people, dull people, they all irk me. On the other hand, I would find it just as unpleasant working in sales, or advertising, or at a casino or insurance company stealing from people all day. It sad enough not having a place in the world yet. But failing at a thought experiment where you make one up? That's pretty pathetic.

[I like how it only takes me a paragraph to go from "I am lucky" to "I am pathetic"]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kG_qcud1ShM

We are sort of coming down the home stretch and I need some outside energy to keep things fresh. Please help the cause of No Fun April with suggestions of things I could do that would capture the spirit of the experience. Also, I would like the thank the rain for making my job so easy lately.

"Live Forever, Die at Home"

4/19/09: You know how sometimes Andy makes things sound really epic and how all of your friends are there? And then you show up and half of the time it is true and half the time you are in the gayborhood with the west philly scene from two summers ago at a leather bar? Last night was the latter kind of night. Trying to be natural at the bar was rough as always not drinking but the night actually turned out ok. I learned San Fransisco Alex lives in NoLibs in an awesome party/punk house with a great backyard, I got to see Alene and she got a promotion, and from remarks that were made today I apparently got a little of my game back. This wasn't totally shocking news when I learned about it today however: I surprised myself by initiating thumb war (my new thing maybe to replace cards tricks and pieing. Its a pretty good move. Its innocent and fun. There's touching and competition involved. Plus girls are pretty bad at it so you look good either winning or letting them win.) with a tall girl that we met when Andy introduced us to her even though he didn't know her. Anyone else when they get really sloppy and tired at a party gets on my nerves, but Andy just turns into this sweaty mess that I guess I don't mind for the same reason people don't mind a puppy. He knocks stuff over and is a little gross and clumsy, but if you are focusing on that you are just missing the point.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-bSd2lAwGA

No real video for this gem. But this youtube special has a lot of good features like Russian subtitles, that thing where the text of the lyric pops up on important words, and very fast edits from other tupac videos.

I am rediscovering a lot of my old vegan tricks. I starting doing this thing that I used to do at
Deep Springs all the time: eating bread and butter (margarine) with a cup of tea. I didn't get it then and I still don't but it dulls my ache for a bit with carbs and warmth. Decaf tea is okay. I can't even tell the difference really.

Despite these retro technologies, I've also been cheating alot, and that's just cheating myself, my blog, and No Fun April. Got to get back on track even if it means no ice cream.

"So what do you do with your time?"

4/18/09: More crushing despair. With that out of the way, let's move on.

I took a big bike ride today down through the city to Forman Mill's (5 dollar hoodies!), 26.99 sneaker place (no luck unfortunately, but new laces brighten up old kicks like some Cinnamon in your cup of decaf) and IKEA (makes me feel like I really have my act together when I pretend to care about domestic banalities, but I usually just scope it out and see what I would buy if I was a more important person). When I got home, I was inspired to figure out how good cycling is for the waistline. Mapquest distance? check. ask google how many calories? 2,250. REALLY? I commenced in eating my new food: weird "salad" thing with chopped up veggies and chickpeas in pita bread. Less fun then what I want to eat, but it reminds me of being a vegan for some reason which is fun.

Also on feeling like the person I used to be, I played guitar today! Nothing awesome to report on the song-writing front but still, remember when I used to care about it? Also related, I forgot to mention earlier this week that rain-check finally paid off. AAA batteries for .89? Thanks Pathmark. I also learned that it takes the clerk about 1 minute to enter in a raincheck for each scan. I bought the max (4 packages); I felt a little guilty as he was frantically typing and swiping and such. This is related to guitar if you remember because of guitar tuner. So cheating on that again was pretty awesome because I am a terrible musician probably due to something you are familiar with, namely, being a terrible listener.

New section: A link to a video of a rap song that I like and wish people played at parties more.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbzYXQpdUfU

Reports about the death of the El Camino might have been exaggerated. Jay as usual might come to rescue on this one. I'll try to keep you informed.

One last thing. Full disclosure. Looking back I realize I have already broken every rule except 3: cartoons (which was a joke because I don't watch them anyway), alcohol (the thing I thought about quitting first that led to No Fun April and therefore its focus), and first dates (who am i kidding?).

Pirates!!! but mostly football talk

4/17/09: Nothing awesome happened in my life today I don't think but something awesome did keep happening on NPR. The four Swedish guys would run a site called PirateBay.com , which is a file sharing hub, got sentenced to a year in jail and 3.5mil in fines. The awesome part is twofold. 1) One of the guys used the plot of Karate Kid to describe their situation, saying that they are being bullied but will win in the end, only he went into crazy detail. So NPR reporters had to remind each other what happens in the movie, which was pretty great for me. 2) The suit has inspired a new political party in Sweden, called the Pirate party, whose main objective is copyright reform. If I need to tell you why that is awesome, you probably won't get the rest of what I write either, so give up.

Holly told me tonight that I "was a person of many interests, but few passions." Those Asians and their fortune cookiesque (cookiest?) insight.

Sports Section: So the Eagles signed Jason Peters. This is fantastic and a total upgrade from Trey Thomas. Young, stud, lineman are basically where it's at as far as free agency because their performance is so much more predictable than a skill position. And because they matter more. This isn't hard to get. People with that body type are relatively rare. Which means a smaller pool of athletes. Which means both a higher variance between athleticism, even at the top, and scarcity of talent in general. Whereas a running back body is a dime a dozen, so although impressive, there are a ton of guys who can run fast which means you shouldn't be paying for them, even the best ones. Because they guy almost as good is so close that its basically the same thing. And straight on down the line until you shouldn't be devoting resources to it at all. Obviously my position is not that extreme but more and more I feel like the Eagles really are out "Moneyballing" other NFL teams. They do a good job caring about what matters (in most things) and ignoring the rest. They keep their team young and cheap, which is super conveinent because young and hungry is what you want anyway. Look at our linebackers. All no name, young guys, that we pay peanuts but who are going to be a top 5 core next year. I liked Brain Dawkins. But is he worth what he is getting paid in Denver? hint: not close. Last year they got the best player in free agency in A. Samuel. He is not a shut down corner, but that's not how they do things on defense anyway. Plus, I always had the idea that your best corner should defend their weaker receiver with no help and then that let's you roll a safety to help the other side anyway. Not sure why this doesn't happen. I am on their team as far as receivers go as well, for the record. Its really a shame that a great quarterback is such a luck of the draw kind of thing considering how important it is to winning. But all things equal, I don't mind being the new Buffalo Bills. If you asked me, I would tell you that I don't care that much about football. But I sure do have lots of ideas about it so maybe I am tricking myself. Ask me about going for it on 4th down some day. Until then, I'm blaming Nick Neary for any geeking out I do about sports.

Probably never getting laid ever again, car edition

4/16/09: I'm sorry about the late post. But yesterday my internet broke when people came over to my house to have fun. Don't worry, I didn't join in. Mostly Ben and Morgan and Andy and Deven just talked about music that I am not really that into anyways. Before that, I found out that I am awesome at providing clues at Saladbowl (or whatever that game is called) but a pretty bad guesser.

Worst news possible today. No more el Camino. No more summer time cruising. No more streams of compliments from people in all walks of life. No more NoLibs celebrity. If anyone has ideas on a new summertime shtick, let me know, because I am obviously not getting there on looks, charm, money, etc.

Sweet dream: I am a little kid. For Christmas (birthday?) I receive three presents: a bird, a gerbil/mouse, and a cat. I know. Then it skips to a new scene where the bird has already been eaten, the rodent escapes from the cage and I am trying to catch it or the cat before the inevitable happens. I fail. I am very nervous about telling the folks, but I don't realize until I wake up that the combination of these presents is a pretty dick move.

Through facebook comment linkage chains, I got to the see the R. Kelly/Usher video for "same girl". It is now one of my life goals to own as many outfits as they wear in the video.

You are welcome: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HN1SVSH40b4

Crazy crushing loneliness, helplessness, hopelessness, self-doubt, etc has started in life recently, high-school style. It sucks. I don't know where it comes from and I am so bad at hiding it, managing it, etc. No pity party necessary and I don't even think its No Fun April related, although maybe constant drinking would help. Hard to say.

Drawing from a stone

4/15/09: A final word on the sunk cost fallacy, I promise: my brother found this site called swoopo.com that appears to be an auction site at first glance. But they charge you to bid! The timing of this couldn't be more perfect for my blog!!! Blogging!!! The price of what they are auctioning off, usually a big ticket item like an iPhone or a TV only ever increases by .15 cents. The price to become the winning bidder is .75 cents. Each bid also adds 20 seconds to the auction preventing you from sneaking in at the last second. For those of you who don't already see, this is just a racket. Your .75 is just gone forever. It costs massive amounts of money to get the auction price even remotely close to the retail price (which is the only way to get other people out of the same sunk cost fallacy you yourself are in). And what is to stop the administrator of the site from bidding on her own items, preventing you from grabbing that elusive deal (dream big, Mr. twelve dollar big screen).




Today was the big day. I sold blood on Broad St. For those who are curious, my weight loss plan doesn't work. There are only 600 calories in a pint of blood according to the red cross. But I didn't go to the Red Cross. Those jokers are asking you to just give away your mighty vitality juice. Oh, btw, if you ever need a blood infusion, you might want to ask where it comes from. The waiting room in this place was the absolute dregs of the earth. When I enter a second time (I needed my social security card, which I wasn't prepared with, so I had to go to the Social Security Office where "24" was playing and 5 cops were watching it) there is a man (hard to say how old) with this brilliant phone call: "....see, you wasn't thinkin' straight. You drank too much and you can't make good decisions. See, I never understood all that. I never took to drinking or smoking that ish." At this point I think he is telling the person on the other end that they shouldn't do so many drugs. "I just want that straight crack rock." Oh, never mind. There was also a very good conversation about how giving blood is awesome not only because you get 20 bucks put also because you get really high if you smoke up right afterwards because you are already woozy from not having enough blood. It is a certain kind of person that can be incentivized with Mr. Jefferson to let you drain his blood. And it isn't really the kind of person you want to accept blood from.


The best part was the Temple girls. Anybody who went knows what I mean. Impossibly good-looking and fashion obsessed black girls that listen to top 40 hip hop but really deep down want to be indy kids they just aren't exposed to it. They flirted with me alot and wanted to talk about my clothes, Urban Outfitters (I tried to fake it, but I think they figured me out when I answered every other question with 'The Thrift Store"), and how much I liked going to Spain. I really blew it talking about Spain choosing to try to tell a complicated story about why they talk with a lisp when I should have made it short and sweet. I chalked this good luck up to my observation about the kind of person that gives blood. If you deal with the homeless all day, even I'm a catch. It worked out though, because a bunch of the questions they ask could have been hot-girl-doctor-giving-a-physical-awkward but they were cool although she tried to get a little bit too sexy talking about how great my veins were with both her hands around my bicep. Also, Andy was right about the gays. But apparently if you had tons of gay sex before 1977 and then quit for some reason you are okay, so at least they pretend its about Hi-5. Anyone who needs a self-esteem boost should totally do this. Not only are you the most eligible person to ever walk in the building, but the questions make you feel like the picture of perfect health. Do you have liver disease? No. Have you ever sold sex for money or drugs? Nope. Do you have diabetes? Uh-uh. And on and on until you feel lucky just to be just overweight and underemployed.

The nurses in the back weren't nearly as nice. "So, which arm do you want me to stick you in?" was the first thing she said to me. Also, I don't know if its illegal or what, but they just slip you a twenty as you walk out. They make it feel really shady, especially with the overuse of the word "donate."

All in all a pretty interesting thing to do. The only truly no fun part is being in a waiting room and trying to figure out if you want to sit down in a seat squeezed next to two people who you expect to ask you for change or to just stand. I chose stand but then I realized I was next to the only other white person in the room and I felt guilty about it. Sitting didn't work either because "You shouldn't be reading in here. This is where you go to give blood." Oh. Thanks.

Men in Blue>PPA

4/14/09: What happens when you go to bed early in order to wake up the next morning to do some real work (i.e., anything involving houses I don't own or anything that is hard that I don't get paid for) and blood for money schemes? Answer: you sleep for 15 hours and still wake up in the afternoon? How is this even possible?! Its not like I am sleeping a little bit more than the average person. I sleep twice as much as one! I am partially blaming no drug lifestyle; I always get a little sleepy when I quit cigarettes, plus booze puts me out, and coffee is a no brainer I guess. But I'd I would also like to take advantage of my career free lifestyle while it lasts and that means being productive for more than 10 hours a day.

Today started off being in contention for the most no fun day of April. It rained. alot. obviously. But then I cut myself shaving this morning before work (4pm). And it bled and bled. It wasn't a big cut, and at first I just treated it normally, with a bit of toilet paper to soak and clot and whatnot. My brother is now the owner of the computer (still not sure how he pulled this off) so I try to watch a Margaret Cho dvd I took out of the library. She is unbearable now btw. My face is still bleeding when I leave the house an hour later. On the way to work I get pulled over for turning right on red where I shouldn't have. My face is still bleeding but I somehow manage to juggle putting a tissue to it to soak up blood and the officer doesn't even mention it. When he does the usual "do you know why I pulled you over?" routine I don't even fake it and tell him why. I am so guilty that I don't even try to get out of it, already thinking about blogging about how no fun I am having and how everyone should feel sorry for me for making such bad decisions (quitting drinking, breaking the rules of the road, having a pizza delivery job to begin with, etc.). Mind you that it is raining really hard at this point and the cop is getting pretty soaked coming back and forth. He comes back with my stuff and just says "Try to be careful." I look up, notice it is a guy who comes into Rustica all the time, and probably squeak out a "Thanks alot" although it probably just sounded like a muffed mumble. Then as he turns to walk away he adds to his "Try to be careful" some sick burns: "especially when its raining" "especially when there are cars coming" (true) and "put on your seat belt". I will exchange sick burns for no ticket any day. [an online apology to Frank that I hope he never gets the satisfaction of reading: my boss always talks about the above scenario but it never happened to me before and I didn't believe him as I have gotten a ticket with pizzas sitting next to me in the car. I owe him one for giving away his product in exchange for political favor. Go corruption.]

From there everything pretty much turned around. My shift was chill, Ian played Little Richard at the shop, I danced to it, the Mexicans made fun of me. When I got home I tried to get my stealing music off the internet groove back. I learned a little bit about .rar's and such but mostly miss napster. My iTunes is very embarrassing. It sucks to already be on the downward arc of my taste lifespan.

Jay and Emmy (his gf) when to Dave and Buster's tonight. Wasn't sure that was something people did, but okay. They did this weird thing where a program combines a picture of each of you and tells you what your baby will look like. Is it me or is this the most awkward/leading thing you could possibly do with your S.O.? Its like that girl who "casually" talks about the wedding ring she wants "some day".

One last thing. How the fuck was I a vegan for 5 years? Not to say I didn't cheat then too. But only once in a blue moon and it wasn't even a thing where guilt was the motivating force from keeping me on the straight and narrow. I just did it. Cruelty is way too good of a lifestyle.

Fake it 'til you make it

4/13/09: In general, Ben G.'s prediction has proved correct. I have been less than diligent in my quest to do unfun things. I did lots of kitchen cleaning today so that counts I guess. Plus I did some things that could go either way: buying vegetables in large quantities for my personal consumption, library chores (I let my brother call his movie. He picked Ghostbusters. I delivered.) and the old job search although lets be honest: if i really wanted one, I'd probably have one.

The big news of the day is no fun. Me and Jay played baseball across the street and go figure: he is a total stud and I still can't hit (from when I was 12 and last played). It's not that I never touch the bat to the ball, but its rare, and when I do its at best a hard ground ball.

I spend the majority of the day winning at magic cards too fast, and then burning time by reading the wikipedia entry on game theory, especially games where irrational choices trump rational choices. Try this one: A group of people all guess a number, all aiming to guess 2/3 of the average of the group. The solution to this problem is zero, but no one every guesses that, not even mathematicians. I also got reminded about a sweet auction that works as normal except the second place finisher also has to pay the second place bid. Awesome stuff happens when auctioning off a twenty dollar bill where the last two people actually bid past twenty dollars after getting caught in a sunk cost fallacy, trying to lose a penny (on a bid of 20.01), instead of twenty bucks.

Baseball: Past, Present, Future

4/12/09: Sweet Dream: I dreamt that I started a company (law firm maybe) whose primary business was setting up arrangements with people to hold their money for them before Medicare came to seize their assets. I'm pretty sure this is illegal but in my dream I figured out a way to get away with it using shell contracts within other contracts and was a total business hotshot. Its funny how often my dreams are actual an productive intellectual space. I had a dream last month about writing a complicated equation to determine the position of a projectile using multiple measurements each with its own degree of certainty relative to the proximity to the object in question which required weighing the importance of some measurements more than others. If that is what I dream about, I probably need something to do with my days.

Today was Easter dinner with the family, who were surprisingly cool about No Fun April, probably because I had warmed them up with years of veganism, which they were total dicks about. I probably cheated alot anyway, my mom probably puts butter in things just for kicks. My cousin is preggers, so that was a convenient thing to take up conversation time and my bro bailed early so I didn't look bad leaving too. Also, the state of PA owes me money!! This is hilarious and awesome especially since I don't pay any taxes considering my zero income. I stole baseball gear from the 'rents as well because I think I am going to have a baseball game for my birthday. Seems like a good way to force some sports into my life. Are people going to really not come to my birthday party because they hate sports that much?

My dad told me a joke. A drunk redneck stumbles into a lesbian bar, where he orders a drink and asks the bartender if she wants to hear a blond joke. A patron at the bar gives him a stern tap on the shoulder and informs him that the bartender is a black belt in karate, the bouncer is an Olympic wrestling champion, the girl playing pool is a marine, her girlfriend just got out of jail, and she herself is a body builder. Considering his state, she also points out that they all happen to be blond. Then she asks him, "Do you still want to tell a blond joke?" His reply: "Well, not anymore if I have to explain it five times!" Btw, your welcome. This might be a new section too, jokes from my dad.

Sports: Did anyone see Ryan Howard foul off pitches today? It made me very happy. In one of the at bats he struck out and I didn't even care. The kind of game that happened today, where we fall behind but predictably catch up is so fun to watch and its going to happen more if we can eat up pitches and get that extra inning or two against middle relief. A good sign in a world of Cole Hamel's injuries/fatigue.


No Fun things lined up for this week: giving blood (i know, i know, i learned that you can get paid for it though so maybe it will work out me being lazy and all), hiring a contractor to fix my back door, new resume, paying car insurance.

Its not wasting weekends if you don't have a job

4/12/09: New section: "Sweet Dreams": I had a sweet dream. I was working on a sketch comedy show and I made up this scene that starts with two guys talking as they walk into a bar/club/whatever kids call them. The one complains about cover or whatever and the other pulls out a marker and puts X's on their hands and explains that you just show your hand and walk in. But as they get to the door they realize the line is around the block. They try the trick but the bouncer is drawing a super complicated (a pirate ship fighting at sea in my dream)painting on a girl's hand. The people behind her in line are complaining about missing the band and he is taking out new colors and tools and brushes as someone with a landscape on their entire arm walks by and flashes it to the bouncer. When I woke up I was so proud of this and though it was kind of an elegant sketch comedy bit.

Also: later I realized that often in dreams I am one layer removed from the action. Like in this dream, I work for a comedy program instead of being in the scene. Or before I dreamt about buying made up movies at a big box store. The movies played out in my head in the dream, but I wasn't in them. I was in the big box store remembering ads I had scene for the made up movies. Don't know what that means.

Today was no fun, despite a valiant effort. When I got to south philly brunch, only the home team was left, plus Dan, who did lots of hanging and going out today. I was proud of him. I absolutely crushed CD in Wii Tennis, probably because he was a little tipsy. Then this weird thing happened where people would leave to buy consumer products, ask for company, lazies would decline, they would come back, and then someone else would leave by themselves to get something else. Andy somehow tricked me into going to the pharmacy to buy him Clariton D, which I guess because of meth they have behind the counter. But the phamacy was closed. So the nice clerk grabs the pharmicist as he is walking out the door, and he grabs me a box. But then she can't scan it. She tells me she can't sell it to me. I tell her to rip the upc off, I'll give her cash, steal it, and she can ring it on Mon. after Easter. No dice. No Fun. Sometimes you can't win in April. So I go back a failure only to be resuckered into going to a different pharmacy where the 14 year old Asian pharmacist (?) grills me really hard (I.d., questions, signing a form, etc) before selling me 5 allergy pills. Andy rewards me by putting on a Barbs musical, Sue starts demanding material possessions, so I make up an excuse to exercise (maybe a new thing when I get bored) to just ride my bike up to my house and back with Godfather movies, magnetic knife strip things, steak. I also conviently get to not watch musicals. So that happens. Of course its super windy and not a fun day at all to ride. No Fun April. When I get back down South, Sue is asleep and Andy went to eat with suprise guest of the evening. I do get to see M. exercise a bit, which is awesome and includes mean women yelling at you about your "love/hate relationship with working out." Then I go to Cantina where I get to see Jo and her nybf, Chelsea, and which is a good time despite everyone else drinking alot because they had food I could eat. Jo seemed happy so that was a plus too not to mention that she liked my rainbow sweater. More bike riding ensued after we bailed on James because no one could work up enough gusto to go to a metal show. Instead, I end up at another bar, celebrating Genna's Bday, playing sexy lady games on Megatouch with DanK (I told you he turned into a hanging outer today) and yelling at Sue for not being able to hear me yell at her about how to play Megatouch games which go figure, doesn't work. Deafness= No Fun.

Best part about today: My brother bought caffeine free coca-cola during the frenzy that ensued when we found .68 a two liter deal last week. I realized today that it doesn't break any rules on the list*.

Worst part about today: Mr. Crowley stole my scene and gave blood before me.

Notice how these posts get longer and longer even though I have less to say? You know what that tells me: This is becoming a legitamite blog.

*Its real. Its posted on the internet on this very site. Stop saying I can't do X. I can snort coke if I want. It's not on the list. Although, today I pulled a typical me move and said no to drugs. I always do that (literally, always. Always. I've never done drugs, like a total square), and then always regret it later.

Friday Nightlite Blues

4/11/09: Tonight was the epitome of why this was a bad idea. Tonight would have been awesome if I was just being regular. Lots of places to go. People down for adventure. I randomly saw Ashley and Collin and they had this babe with them that seemed to like me for no apparent reason, hugs included. Steve got suckered into letting people throw a big party at his shop. My brother even worked for me this morning so I had lots of energy. But instead I rode my bike around looking for a scene that doesn't exist, then giving up and coming home early while everyone else is drunk and laughing with their friends. No Fun.

Also, I learned that as no fun as it is to quit alot of things that give you pleasure its even less fun to have a bunch of people give you constant shit about things you didn't even do and then not let up about it. Dan and Andy's new creative way to make sure I am having no fun is to basically just yell at me all the time. It sucks and I'm not even sure if it gives them a laugh either. Also, lies on the internet have already started. Don't listen. I'm not that guy. I will let you know when I do stupid things that are fun. I promise. For instance, I got tricked a while back by a vegan brownie. I got all distracted by dessert and forgot about caffeine. oops.

Today I found out that ChrisD isn't dead. I know for a fact cause I went to his house and saw him. I also learned that everyone except me knows lots and lots about porn. History, characters, techniques, lingo, the whole nine. I felt very prude.

Lately, I have felt very weak, very tired, very lousy. What's the point of all this healthy living if I am still going to feel like crap and be crushingly sad? I at least thought my head would clear up and maybe I would feel athletic, or at least more so. No dice. Oh, and just for Ben I did exercising today. Weights and everything. It sucked so bad. It doesn't make sense to me that I dislike it so much either. In general, I don't mind the things that satellite the feeling of working hard at exercising. Being tired on a bike and pedaling hard? Fine. Competition? Fine. Other kinds of bodily pain? Better than most I think. Lifting weights? So boring and I just want to quit the whole time. That said, I am on a quest to lose a bunch of weight and start to look better naked. Not sure it will help, but its worth a try.

Bascially Revolutionizing Art, thank me later

4/9/09: The no fun highlight of today is going 1-2 drop in a PE and not being an active 2000 anymore. Probably should have retired it in an attempt to convince people that I am good at the thing I want to be good at.

I am losing my zeal. I am itching for fun. Today I felt so stuffed up, it made me want to try the white lady. For real, I have been thinking about it so much. I don't get it because I have no connection, literally none, with the stuff in my life. Luckily, KimmyB is in Ohio, ohio, ohio so I got to hang out with Rob. Trouble with that is that Rob is currently watching Sat. Night Lights the television show as his pastime and he was inflexible about it. It wouldn't have been as bad except he is on season one. Yeah, from 7 years ago. So he kept accusing me of lying about having seen it when I didn't remember something forgetting that we were watching a television show made in the early 00's, following the success of a movie made in the 90's, which was an adaptation of a book written in the '80s about a football team that played in the 70's. Man, does the entertainment business sure know how to take its time.

The best part about hanging out with Rob, besides the fact that we can talk seriously about technical magical issues without it being weird, is he knows the dumbest parts of the Internet (perhaps related to his job?, hard to tell sometimes). Inspired by the drama on screen, I learned about slam pages tonight, which I think is the funniest thing ever. Me and Rob have big plans to start a new hit website slampagerampage.com and post a new slam page every day with awesome animated gifs and arrows that point at a picture of someone with sweet burns. The only problem is that we don't really have anyone to slam (Rob was adamant that you aren't supposed to slam your friend for fun, it has to be real. I think pre-irony days were stupid) which is probably related to why I think the whole idea is so funny. If you hate someone so much, why do you want to spend any time on them, making what is essentially a hate scrapbook. Making stuff is hard work. Rob also taught me that slam pages used to be actual slam books that got passed around and drawn in and stuff. Man. I missed out of so much awesome high school being a stupid born again. What a big mistake. What we both agreed is that the only person in our scene that anyone would want to slam is me. No fun.

Without trying and in different contexts, I fell into watching both Godfathers this week. (Don't get me started on the unspeakable and how no fun it that W. Ryder got sick and got replaced with stupid big nose daughter). I don't think the movies are the best things ever, but watching them got me thinking about how easy it is to make a good movie despite how rare such good movies are. No one in these movies is doing anything spectacular with their acting. The story is just a drama about a family. The cinematography is professional, even inspired at times, but still attainable for the average trained person. Sue always talks about how she likes/misses/wants more slice of life movies. I think it might be more simple than that. I think that regular people doing regular things, even things that bore them, is way more interesting than the no-miss premise that most movies seem to be based around. Despite what you might say about the Godfather being a mobster movie, its really a movie about a family that has regular family problems. A scene that passed me by before but I think is really awesome is when Vito gets fired and brings a pear home for the misses. She gets all excited about a single pear and then they eat. (btw: even dirt poor, they eat better than any of us because they wear suits and dresses. Apparently my dad's dad refused to eat dinner until he changed into a shirt with a tie and coat. I should be so classy) If you think about this theory for one second it holds true across the board. People liked Rocky because it was a movie about a guy that did regular things. Sure, something happens to him that fits into a story arc. But most of the movie he is doing things like buying a girl a dog because he can't think of anything better (she works at a pet store, if you remember). There are long scenes of him running, training, punching meat, walking around the neighborhood doing squat. He does silly things like bounce a racket ball for no reason. Rocky 2-5 are awful movies because they start being all flash and glamour and drama or whatever. Drama is boring. Its boring in life when people try to make it and it falls flat on a screen. This applies to lots of things I think. Personally, I really wish someone would make a skateboarding movie with shots more than 2.4 seconds. Why can't the movie just be in real time? Why can't the first scene of the movie just be a bunch of friends on the El with their skateboards or crammed into a car talking about regular things? If those regular things are skateboarding related, about this site that they are going to explore, than so be it. If those things are the friends making fun of a kid because his girlfriend dumped him last night, than that is interesting too. Most of the time when people skateboard, no one is actually skating, they are bullshitting or going to the corner store to get a snack or they are fixing their board, etc. I realize that the audience for skate videos is people that appreciate the technical aspect of the sport and that is why they have become style guides more than movies but I find the fact that a bunch of dudes spend their time on pieces of wood trying to control them in cool ways way more interesting than the minutia of the sport itself. There is a story there, just in the "here are these people, this is what they do with their time, they care about it" Maybe if people made watchable movies, people would watch them.

Trolley Works Only? Really? What does that even mean?

4/8/09: I had an interaction today with the No Fun Most High: PPA. It goes without saying that it was No Fun with a capital F and that I didn't make very much money at work(pending a No Fun April project, see below). Whenever I have to deal with these kinds of people in life, it makes me want a racket of my own. Did you know that piracy is the number one export of Somalia? People actually pay the ransom to get their ship back! Seventy Million Dollars last year. It sounds outrageous, but is it really that different from getting your car towed? Anyway, the only way I came up with to put a No Fun April touch on the situation was to contest the ticket so I could spend more time with the most beloved institution in the city. I will keep you updated on how little fun it is.

Special Sports Section: The Phillies game today reminded me just how much I love walks. Its my second favorite thing in baseball, after getting hit with a pitch [because you don't have to rely on the ump]. I also realized that doing nothing is the dominant strategy in lots of other American institutions like Poker (folding), or the blues (8 bars that repeat and never go anywhere). For such an industrious people (compared to the napping Spaniards or the sissy French who both play never-stop-running soccer) we have lazy past times. I'm not knocking it, but it is certainly the exception to the rule and a very American thing. Can you imagine playing a chess variant where 90% of the time the right thing to do is pass the turn with no play? Only an American game could work that way.

My life hasn't changed in 3 years and counting...lame

4/7/09: Do you know what is no fun? Presta valves. For real, I can't for the life of me figure out how to keep them from leaking. Call me a car person, but I miss a good schrader valve. I don't have to put air in my car tires every couple weeks as routine maintenance.

Most fun thing that happened today: I finally figured out how to pull off a black on black look with my available wardrobe: black shirt, black tie, black cardigan, grey jeans, white sneaks. I am pretty sure I made it happen.

Most no fun thing that happened today: Dan used sophisticated iphone technology to take a picture of me, and then turned it into a gif of me picking my nose in real time. It was unreal.

Also, Beck comes into the store sitcom style all the time when he is bored next-store. Its awesome, he just drops in, sometimes doesn't say anything but hi, hangs out for about 30 secs, and then goes to see if his tables want something.

Retail Lessons

4/6/09: The first part of my day was no fun. The goal was to fix my bike tire but it got pretty involved, including going to a bunch of houses that I should be fixing looking for my toolbox, that my brother takes to job sites to make my life less fun[aside: as an economist I know that keeping my toolbox organized and functional makes it more stealable, but as a brother I find it super frustrating not to have the power to grant myself dibs on things, end aside], finding out that the bike store near my house is closed, just on Mondays, then going to that corporate bike shop on Columbus where I must be their coolest customer because they always stop what they are doing and look up and give me a secret bike nod that I don't know but I guess I fake it pretty well. It's funny that I get spit on for not being hardcore enough at a grungy bike store but then its the other extreme there. I would like some middle ground.

I forgot about blood drive today. I get another chance in a few.

I think I'm over the withdrawal phase and into the "oh no, now my life is just boring with nothing to even talk about" phase. The worst part about not doing any thing fun/self-destructive isn't the abstaining per se, but the fact that no one wants to hang out with a holier than thou ascetic. How sad is it to be in Trader Joe's, have someone invite you to eat dinner at their house, and then not be able to convince them that there is anything in the whole store that is both worth eating and fits into your diet? Answer: Sad. No quite as sad as Sharon Sossamon never making the A list and us not getting to see her face in movies more but sadder than when a huge big box store runs out of stock in the one thing you want. (Lately, no rack at Ikea for wine glasses, and no dvd players of any kind at walmart. What's the point of having a gigantic store anyway?) Oh, before I get lost in a rant I need to remind the world that Trader Joe's is basically heaven for lonely single people. There are one million babes of all varieties and people look very attractive trying to figure out what kind of mango chutney to buy, for some reason its very flattering. I hadn't been in a while and I think it might be my new place to chicken out asking girls out.

Pretty Women

4/5/09: I have finally solved one the of the great mysteries of modern times: Why do all (with a few notable exceptions, Alyssa maybe) straight edge kids quit right as they graduate college? This has bothered me for some time because it seemed like if you could make it through college and all the "partying" and "peer pressure" (quotes because those things don't exist really, only parties and peers) then why would you change music related lifestyle just as you become a capital G grownup? I used to think it was because the adult world had less tolerance for alternative lifestyle choices (which is probably true), see business meetings at bars and toasts at weddings, etc. But I learned the real reason last night when I sobered all the way through a party Deven's friends Donna and Bev invited me too. WHEN YOU ARE IN HIGH SCHOOL AND COLLEGE LIFE IS REALLY AWESOME EVEN SANS ALCOHOL. All you "No Fun April" literalists can quit now, because last night I certainly cheated under your definition. Who needs beer goggles when everybody is a 21 year old art student in impossibly good outfits? Who needs cocktail courage to hit the dancefloor when Bev is constantly freaking out like a crazy person inspiring the masses to make it happen? Who needs a cigarette to pass the time when people you've never meet before challenge you to a thumb war? (I dominated btw) XXX people quit because the ratio of impossibly good looking (me and Deven played "find someone you would kick out of your bed" game last night) people drops sharply right as you graduate. Alcohol makes those situations alot more interesting than they would be otherwise. If I could just live at parties like last night's, I might quit the bottle for good.

I took Pretty Woman out of the library because I hadn't seen it and its something people talk about alot. It certainly fit in with the theme of the month when i watched it today. A short word on rom-coms: does anyone else feel like they are basically chick porn? This movie has the craziest premise ever: young, handsome, superrich, single guy (this person doesn't exist to start with, for the same reason you never find a hundred dollar bill on the ground, scarcity. I'm kinda an economist, trust me) picks up a hooker, not for sex, but just on a whim of course, and they end up falling in love and actually play out a simulation of knight in shining armor fantasy. I find the idea of sex turning into love so unromantic. Just as unromantic as male centered porn, to be honest. It comes off just as false. Its funny that that in this regard men are more sentimental than women. Don't get me wrong: I'm not opposed to either fantasy. No judgement from me for wanting the impossible, just pointing it out. Its also a funny parallel that both genres are so formulaic, that when it comes to fantasy people just want the same exact story over and over as if any deviation could cause the whole thing to fall to peices.

I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to believe in Karma, right?

4/4/09: Last night the universe decided that I was trying to cheat. People were hanging out at Andy's, and I decided that it would be no fun to ride my bike to West Philly because it was super windy. The universe thought otherwise. It interpreted my actions as an attempt to have fun and rewarded me with a flat tire. So after Sue and Jay both decided that helping me would probably be bad for my character, I got to walk home from the Convention Center. I drove to Andy's anyway and nothing else bad happened except finding out that I am the fattest person in the world.
Today i realized why I haven't worked on a weekend in five years. Weekends are supposed to be fun. Working sucked.
The wildcats lost. So no crazy novaheads being superfans. No fun.
Also, Andy's literal interpretation of No Fun April is catching on like Wildfire. Donna was very serious about the spirit of the law today when she stopped by Rustica, and almost uninvited me to her art student party, thinking it must be too fun for me. I say that as long as I follow the rules, that's enough. First Rustica shift probably ever without free soda today. That's gotta mean something.

sexy sleepy time

4/3/09: Things that are no fun, list edition: decaf coffee and coffee shops in general, going to look at art, sandwiches with no cheese, bikes with less than optimal tire pressure but enough that you dont want to fill them, stale constructed formats, missing good tv and falling into a game of scatigories where you can use adjectives ("you want a fruit that starts with B, how about big apple. that's good right?), going to the supermarket and not have the gumption to steal a few things as you buy other things, endless rain checks into rain checks and still not having AAA batteries which means you have to tune your guitar with your ear instead of your little box. no fun.

Andy thinks that I won't be able to not have orgasms because of "nocturnal emissions" or whatever. I think I am master of my domain. At deep springs we had a wet dream experiment. It took way more than a month to make it happen. Maybe worth it in a whimsical, I want to remember back to when I didnt understand my own sexuality yet kinda way, but still, it took a long time for my body to take over and just start making things up. Maybe im older and its different; time will tell but im set for now.

Blogs are a cheap imitation of cell phones

4/2/09: Today was no fun. I got Huck Finned into painting houses for no money by J. So now i have white specks everywhere on my hands and arms and it kinda looks like fungus. Returning library books turned into no fun when I had to pay for a book that I had forgot about: it got taken when I left it at Rustica. Down Twenty Five for the day. No fun. The day got less fun at the bank, when i realized that my phone must have fallen out of my pocket en route. In other news, I was inspired by "I love you, man" to check Chocolat out from the library. We will see how it goes. Withdrawal isn't totally gone, but no headaches today. I cheated and put a little Gorgonzola on a salad. So the purity of the month lasted all of a day and a half but it was worth it.

Of all the loves I've had, I miss coca-cola the most

4/1/09: Today was no fun. I did not witness, experience, or even hear second hand of one single good April Fool's joke. In fact, my only contact with the holiday at all was Cindy Keyser complaining about Gmail's failed attempt on Facebook. No fun. Then it rained all day. Then I worked from 4 til 1:30 which included being around a bunch of rich drunk people who couldn't hold their booze and carrying heavy tables through catacombs underneath a restaurant that used to be a bank. I had intense caffeine headaches all day, which is what I expected to be honest. This girl texted me to see what I was doing after three days ago telling me that she didn't want me to contact her because she didn't want any kind of relation with me. Girls can be no fun. Right now I am eating spinach leaves and ice water. I am starving but all the food in my house breaks the rules. Rules are no fun. The only good news is that my brother is really taking to No Fun April and is saying things like "you look like you're having too much fun, you should probably stop it now" or "no, you can't have your computer, its less fun for you if I hog it."